Obstacles...Love....

Remain in control of your speed and direction. Make sure you can stop and avoid obstacles at all times.-
Mount-Tremblant ski rules of conduct

Love, Sorrow bumps on the road of life - are these obstacles? Remain in control - what doors does that slam shut! I am thinking no matter how careful I am watching my speed, what will I be able to do about the sometimes breakneck speed at which my heart goes careening into another's? Or that my tears come sliding down the slope of my face when I hear that someone I care for has passed. Joy, bursting for no particular reason out of me into the world at large. Besides do I want to live a life were I am always at odds - watching out for what possibilities I'm letting pass me by for they are headed in a different direction then I am.

I wish to continue to LOVE and Laugh at the speed of light. I want to head in the direction of compassion and kindness vs. watching out for mean-spirit-ness or even down right rudeness.
Those are indeed obstacles I would be happy to avoid at all times. Yet, sometimes we need those moments to remind us of what it is like when those traits are part of our circle. Those moments also allow and invite us to stand tall in our integrity. So; perhaps I do not wish to avoid them all together......

I like to create random acts of kindness as obstacles in the middle of the day for some unsuspecting individual. Like paying the toll for the car behind me - how about that free coffee to the next person in line? My all time favorite - a extra nickle or quarter in the meter, to ward off that meter maid- did I know them- will they know? Who cares! We don't need to know them to drop an obstacle of kindness to their bad day, or hatred. It gives us all an opportunity to rush head long in a different direction from which we might have been headed. I like that idea.

While I do make sure that I can STOP when I might be ready to say some unkind thing, I Stop and take that deep long inhalation of breath, which causes me to start over, grounding into a new direction. A little movement - maybe even a nervous laugh - better then saying something I might have regretted.

I must say there is great Gratitude as I get younger at Heart. I find that I can step back in a way that I couldn't earlier in my "Teen-20's of Wisdom". For me there is a Grace in the way I have grown into myself.

So, I say by all means, speed toward love, move in the direction of obstacles that are not sharp edged and pointy. Invite yourself to lose control - (trust me it's not all that it's cracked out to be); once in a while, without putting yourself in physical danger. Learn to stop for Beauty in all things; less it pass you by. It is up to us to be aware of the richness in all directions of Life.

tickler - who am I

So here we have a bit of a tickler as I go about my day.

No matter how you are coming together -be it a new group, class or the fact that you see someone across a room. Drawn toward them you go to introduce yourself. Hi I'm .....
Are you, your work? How about your astro sign - me I'm a Capricorn, full moon in Leo, lunar eclipse at birth and Sag rising. (Hmm- did that tell you any thing). Let's try my Myers-Briggs - INFJ or my Engramme number - 6 or let's try I'm an 8 in numerology. What if I told you the year I was born? Any of that help as to WHO I am or could be? The question begs - Who am I? How is it that we introduce ourselves giving a hint of the wonderful-ness that you may have an opportunity to know or NOT. Something to ponder. I will get back to you on this.
Have a Fabulous Day!

Balance Schmalantz

I would like to acknowledge from the top that YES, my lovely friend of SheChanges, Lael (http://www.shechange.com/) I have stolen the name of our last circle gathering for this essay. I loved the sound and feel of it. I want to give credit also to the Fabulous women who shared their thoughts on this deep river of a subject. So Thank you one and all.

Yes, the feel of it. Say the whole thing a few times Balance- Schmalantz Schmalantz -Balance out loud. It’s how I feel when I think of the ways I might put all the parts of me into two scale pans; (from the Middle English and etymology of the word – as noun), and come out …..Balanced ( Here used now as a verb- and not just any verb – a transitive verb; or maybe it’s really a intransitive verb- to become balanced.)
What does that mean? The sum of emotions that run through my blood on any given day or even any given moment- keep the scales from sitting even. They are always tipped to one side or another. Does that mean I am out of Balance? No, I think not. Is my life out of balance – well, perhaps. Am I having fun with my life? Mostly!
Perhaps the question is do I feel like my life is in Equilibrium – What’s the difference you ask besides the ‘word’ well, according to Merriam-Webster:
equilibrium .1 a - state of intellectual or emotional balance, (oops there’s that word) poise b- a state of adjustment between opposing or divergent influences or elements
2 a state of balance between opposing forces or actions that is either static (as in a body acted on by forces whose resultant is zero) or dynamic (as in reversible chemical reaction when the rates of reaction in both directions are equal)
My feeling is that it is difficult to find balance or be in balance if we are alive and living a Life, we are creatures of Passion, (could be seen as chemical), we Love, we Cry, and once in a while we can love and hate something at the same time! For the most part it is my experience that if we are truly living our lives we are not flat line – I believe that is called dead!
We roller coaster some days, others we carry gently on. The very nature of our bodies holds us in some form of tension. We are in tension with our great Mother Earth – the forces of gravity. If there was balance there I think we might just float out into space. Our Lives require there be some tension. I’m not suggesting that tension is bad or good – it “just” IS. I would define that as being in equilibrium.
The choices we make to take care of ourselves vs. someone else’s needs. Some days it is most definitely not equal. It is again the nature of who and what we are. Some days its them – others it about ME! From my point of view –being a ripe youngster of 55. I am wondering if we might allow ourselves those moments of being not in balance, so that we can and do create moments of Equilibrium.
There is much that all of this original reading and dialogue has brought to mind, it will cause me to circle back round sometime in a thinner line – or a deep bright line. Time and my sense of being in my own tension and ‘aequi' state will be the deciding factor. I believe that for each of us that place is and will remain different, one's tolerance for things is at that moment what they can carry. It is not who or what they are. It is the space created between which we need to hold, allow, invite!
Today it is cold and snowy – it is Winter. Nature is in balance with our idea of what Winter is, in Maine. If I was in Hawaii with this snow I might wonder about how the weather became so out of balance.
Balance Schmalantz in the end perhaps it is all a matter of how we perceive the word. What is our understanding – and when we talk with another are they having the same understanding or experience of the word –words we are using? Might be worth a whole conversation itself. The fact that we speak the same language does not mean we understand the word the same. Can you imagine if it is a translation error? Or is that a transposition error?
Today I wish for you a sense of Equilibrium. Sad or Happy – may you know the sense of feeling at one with your self.

A Call to Arms...as in limbs

I want arms to wrap around me, stave off the cold. Arms that hold and cuddle small children and adults alike. Arms meant to lift and carry - arms covered in tattoos. Arms that pull on the lines of a boat - looking sexy at their work. Arms that are gracefully part and parcel of a human body.

When did arms become guns or even adjustable rate mortgages?

Why is it that we as humankind take words that mean one thing, then turn their useage into something that has nothing to do with it's original as we know - knew it?


arm 1. In anatomy, the upper extremity from shoulder to elbow. 2. In popular usage, the entire upper extremity from shoulder to hand.
Taber's Cyclopedic Medical Dictionary

I want to understand why arms that were meant for working, loving, acts of comfort and kindness, became something else. It's not like I don't know that arms and hands can and are used for hurting and killing. I can even understand that part of it all.

Yet what bothers me is that the first reference I found for arms had to do with guns. Some large organization that dealt in guns and weapons. Further down the 'goggle' page came adjustable rate mortgage. At the very bottom of page 1 of 10 or so had.... a little side note as in arms workouts - which in turn took me to workouts for KILLER ARMS.

Why no workouts for arms - how to hold an infant? wrapping your arms around a loved one? How to use your arms effectively (because we all know we can't/don't want to be ineffective), to carry in logs for the fire, carry in the groceries, hang laundry, or even push a cart down a street. How to use your snow blower without causing injury, to your fabulous loving arms. (That is why you're out there snow blowing isn't it? So your loved ones can get to their car without stepping in snow 2 feet deep. Right!) There are lots of things I could think of for arms besides guns and mortgages.

Yes, if you know me or continue to follow MY brain you will discover that I am indeed a HOPEFUL romantic. Forget that hopeless - crap! That is not for me. I want to hold with my arms held to my heart -that in fact most of the of Humankind is loving, caring and kind. That we will go out of our way to help another when we can. That our ARMS are meant for kinder things.

Words, whispers on wind

"For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning."
~ T.S. Elliot, excerpted from "Little Gidding"

The words we use- what are we trying to say? More what is it I wish to say. I am remained also of the kid's taunt "sticks and stones may break my bones; but words will never hurt me". Some of us know this isn't true! Words hurt, words end up stuck to us like glue. Labels that create in their own way a Story, one we begin to believe - when it is said often enough. Words have a way of leaving scars that lie unseen, under the surface of our skins, hidden embodied. Waiting, lurking to jump out and grab us when we are not vigilant.

Not all words hurt, some words help us learn to live into ourselves. Leave us with a sense of 'MEness'. Guide us down some other way of living, one in which we are invited to become...
Becoming US, the fire of our core deep, is brought to shine- to burn. Sometimes the light is so small that only a few may even begin to sense and see that it is still there- waiting. Or we see the scars, that hide and cover; do we stay, hold, love or run for cover.

I invite us to the words of the past, that hurt and scared, they are part of a story that we can change, is the story ours? Does it belong to our family, a secret hanging in a long forgotten closet? Moth eaten, ragged, ready to be thrown out? Might we be ready? Not always, yet the moment will come. I am fond of saying - NOBODY escapes therapy, whether it is something we do with friends, a group, a therapist -doesn't matter. In times past before our friend Sigmund, we might have called it reflection; (yes, some still do). It requires time to feel, look and see what thing eats at our soul, keeps us from feeling that we are connected to the Divine. It takes an honesty of being - hey, I'm not saying that I am "always, always" in that place.

I believe we all have a built in Labyrinth, that we have to traverse to find items that we have placed within. Our very survival and ability to BE, requires that we keep some part of ourselves for us alone. A nugget of I, ME, Soul. To balance ourselves against outside forces.

I wish to invite us to look at our words, how we use them, the stories we tell, might we be able to say things a different way? Clearer with a resonance that we feel inside as we speak. Can we invite ourselves to listen and take in a compliment, not poop pooping it away. Or having to return a compliment, in the wise child wisdom of Miss T - "Just say Thank you." A lesson that I am still learning some 40 years later. We live in rapidly changing times, I believe we, (myself), need to use some drastic measures. Listen, really listen, then after the last note of the words spoken leaves the air- give yourself a moment to respond.

The scaring words sadly will continue to be spoken, the stories will run in cycles, you and I will still fall down. Perhaps a friend will stop and pick us up. Some may find it difficult yet to allow someone in, that is yesterday door. Please - let the whisper of words you hear in your breathe, alive, live, invite you to crack the door a bit. Invite in the deep dreaming time, the reflection, slow the time you live in down. Invite yourself to a new language.

I want to be a Kinder person, with small strips of unkindness - not meanness mind you. Each of us is Unique - perfectly - imperfect. We can change our old no longer fitting story. I invite us to that Life, that change in us, a growth. Never are we too old or young to grow.
Let the word games begin!

Thank you, C.T. for those words by T.S.Elliot.

They say it's you're Birthday! Elvis- Who?

Happy Birthday child o' mine! I am struck by how lucky I am! Having the opportunity to say I'm TG's mom! What an amazing gift. I can still these many years later call up the events just before your birth. Your birth! Not yet 20- what was I thinking? There you were all wrinkly and old looking - your moment of ugliness- and never have you gone back. You said, "well, there that's done on to my Beautiful self". I look at you and I am always, always in AWE!

What a gift you have been in my life! Oh, I'm not going to say there haven't been times that it wasn't difficult; yet through it all - I hold close to me the first time you said I love you. The day GranMa Trudy gave me grief, (first tattoo) and you stroked my back saying - "It's sooo beautiful" as though it was a rare work of art. Times we've argued, laughed and cried. Oh, my sweet I have so many moments held close, held dear! Do You know? I sometimes don't have the words I need to wrap you in my Love. It feels way to big for words- my hands wrap around you and I hold you, even now, in my minds eye. The miles mean nothing. I can only hope that you know how loved you are!

I am indeed Privileged to say "Why,Yes - I'm McWirzy's Mom."

Thank you for the years of Love. Thank you for picking me as your Mom.

Happy Birthday, My Love!

Oh, yes and a Happy Birthday to Elvis Presley -as well - who's fame came as a result of his Mom's birthday, because he wanted to give her a gift and made a recording. The rest as they say is his-story.

Listen to the Snow

Did you hear it this morning? Not when it turned to hailish snow, the early quite snow around four-ish AM? The way it covered the city, turned it all white and clean again. Did you hear it - the softness to the morning sounds; the sound of snow falling.
There's a softness that comes to the people on the street as well, this new falling snow. Their voices not near as loud as they walk past my window. Words kinder. A hush - an intake of breath, a deep exhalation. Now, can you here it?
The sound of a warm blanket laid upon the earth. The deep dreaming? It's January and we still have about 73 days of winter to go. Think of the dreams we have time to sleep into, live within. The deep dreaming - bones of our being, these winter dreams that take us deep inside our core, into the deep core of Mother Earth.
Nature gives us this time - the quite Winter. This time to sink in, hibernate -sleep. Dream time to take us into Spring. We need this time, this dreaming deep place. Yet, I find we run from this place of being. I want to invite us to this Deep Still Quite - the Winter Dream, come dream and listen to the snow falling.
Listen to the Snow, listen to it falling. listen to the hush..........
Dream well, my friends.

Monster's Under the Tree?

Monster's under my bed - well, not at the moment - the dust bunnies have yet to become large or fluffy enough.

I did something Friday eve that seems to have changed the lives of a beloved murder of Crow. You see during the Winter, they roost in large numbers and as far as I can tell they seem to hang in the same place through out the Winter. It changes each winter so it requires that you look for them. I was thrilled when I had found my second murder. Right off 295 headed South on Forest Avenue. I thought I'd get their picture - wrong! First they flew up from the trees - like in the Birds, a Albert Hitchcock film. Hundreds of them; from four different trees flew into the air - picture was pretty black. Sad face - let's try it 4 more times - that's right 4 separate flashes, with Crow flying and caw - caw- cawing at 9pm. A Monster! A hugh light flashing -blinding Monster. They don't fly at night so how much sleep did they get? How safe could they have felt? I was worse then a Owl.

I've gone by there everyday since then - gone. Three night's now. No luck. Dear Crow - where have you flown too? Do you feel safer? I am sorry - Obviously I was thinking only of the great Picture it would make - well, not with my digital or a flash.

If perhaps you see my Deering Oaks Murder of Crow - please let them know The Monster is gone. There's no Monster under the tree! Please come home to roost! I miss you, Crow.

photo curtesy The Fabulous T. Griffin

One day, life at a time

One should count each day a separate life. -
Lucius Annaeus Seneca, philosopher (BCE 3-65 CE)


Let me get back to you on that thought. It acutally takes my breath away. Yet then there's that should word, which I don't care much for; it leaves me feeling like I'm not doing something right. I think rather the world is trying to put more hours in a day then there really are.

Turtle, Ostrich, Hedgehog....

So here I am...I want to point out that if you 'google' - MY brain there are what I would consider an inordinate number of pages and entries. My brain- no actually Rosemary's brain, and it seems that most of them seem to be about some worm living inside of this other person named Rosemary's brain. Now I will admit that I didn't look at all 1,810,000 - possible entries. But still; it left me on overload. Any way I found that to find me you need to have my name and brain and in the posessive be one word then there are only two pages of stuff, there I am!

Which of course takes me right back to the whole point of what I was feeling about -

Now not that I have as YET written anything so amazing or important, this whole process of learning how to go about, even starting it and then doing it and well being - out there, here... Leaves me feeling raw, exposed! Now I model for Art classes and I have since I was in my 20's, which in fact is a very long time - the only part of modeling that leaves me feeling this Raw is when I sit -clothed for a Portraiture class. That's right they are only doing my face! Well, maybe they might add in a bit of a shoulder or hand; so that I don't look decapitated.

Bottom line I feel laid bare, open like a can of sardines, the lid rolled back so that we could count the little buggers before we ate them if we wanted- Open on a slab- sitting in front of the judge telling my side of the Story, so that others might say well-that's not exactly. The point is I feel like I could become a turtle-hide in a shell; ostrich- bury my head in the sand; (no portrait of that face); or maybe a hedgehog-and roll into a ball till the pressived danger is gone.

None of which I plan to do. At this point in the game I AM HERE, and though not ready to be assimilated...I do want to be read, heard. Moments of Wisdom, Brilliance, Humour that run deep from a life Lived. That I would like to share. Some of it funny, some not so - I believe I have shall we say a "different" way of seeing and putting things together- Each of us has our way of seeing, saying, feeling, touching even tasting Life. It is indeed a process and a new learning curve- it's a new day - Try something different, something out of your comfort zone -(might I suggest that it is helpful to drag along a friend who knows these things- Thank you Mo for all your support and help). Give it a whirl! Live Life, laugh sometimes when you want to cry, and by all means laugh so hard that you do cry. As Mary Oliver asks- "What do you want to do with your One wild and precious Life?"

by the by - how do they get so many sardines in the can?

and you know you're in trouble - when even spell check can't figure out what word you're trying to use! Oh, well - time to break out the dinosaurs of a dictionary!

Be well, till we met and read again!

Begin again - Change - Breathe

When all else fails I fall back to Breathe! I take a breath, filling my lungs and slowly allow all that is pent up to Exhale itself with my breath.
Breath - the first calling we have to the Divine and our true names, each breath we take a renaming of self till that last moment of our exhalation were the last spoken word of our life is a song and calling to a Divine Creator.
Like in a meditation practice the idea to begin again, when we find that our mind is wandering. A New Year, 2009 - it is an opportunity to begin again, look at what doesn't work in our life. Perhaps that fact that we are rushing head long toward tomorrow without thought of today, this moment this BREATH. We are all so busy thinking-doing; (I don't believe we feel) multitasking; that we no longer give ourselves the time to fully notice our BEING-Ness. Life is a practice. None of us are "perfect" - what ever that is supposed to mean, yet we are all perfectly imperfect.
Practice Breathing - What? We all know how to breathe, yet I wonder do we? I know that I for one needed to learn to take a breath, deeply inviting myself to really take in the Divine nature that was offered to me in a Breath.
And where is all this going or more likely coming too? For me I am realizing that I do not desire to make yet again the same sort of Resolutions that I have made in the past - it's this what we do on the first day of the new year?
I want to Practice Being and Becoming a Better Person. Is losing 10 or more pounds going to make that happen, no! Will getting my finances in order make me a better person - I will admit that it may help me in the world a bit to have a clearer understanding of them - yet make me a better person - Not!
When I invite and allow myself to make a Re-solution to Practice Being and Becoming - well, now there is something I can follow through on, travel the year inside of -A Practice. Perhaps, I will also invite myself to a Practice of Breathing, taking the time to breathe, listen and wait for the sound of another's voice to settle before I speak. Taking yet another breath when I find myself in that state of Overwhelm, - whelm- an Old English word meaning to cover with water, hmm, symbolism- water - emotions- to be completely at the mercy of my emotions? Take a Breath - allowing, inviting my self to come home again to a grounded nature.
Taking a Breath, taking a moment to Breathe. Inhaltion - filling one'self with all the wonder of life. Exhalation - sending out to the world that which we no longer need to be recycled into usable energy by the world around us. No hording of energy. There is enough for us all.
How about Resolving to be Kinder? To smile at least once a day? To say Hello to someone we walk by, wheather or not we know them or not. Walking in the world for a little bit each day. What about these kinds of Resolutions?
Yes, life is a practice. Each day we wake, we have an opportunity to Practice at Being Human. Come walk with me as I spend this year learning to Practice a little more of what I believe it means to be a Person. To walk on our Mother Earth doing no harm. Come walk with me, play with me, breathe with me, practice Life.