Wednesday, March 25, 2009

the Who

I am wondering do we know how to articulate the difference between Who Am I? and the thought of Who I AM? Can we invite ourselves to be all that we are becoming. Opening up to the Who I Am?

A question to ponder for a couple of days.
my handand my friend Debra K.G's printing on a drum I made.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Worm Moon

Mary Oliver
In March the earth remembers its own name.
Everywhere the plates of snow are cracking.
The rivers begin to sing.
In the skythe winter stars are sliding away;
new starsappear as, later, small blades of grainwill shine in the dark fields.
And the name of every placeis joyful.

The season of curiosity is everlasting and the hour for adventure never ends,
but tonighteven the men who walked upon the moon
are lying contentby open windows
where the winds are sweeping over the fields,
over water,over the naked earth,into villages,
and lonely country houses, and the vast cities

because it is spring;
because once more the moon and the earth are eloping
--a love match that will bring forth fantastic children
who will learn to stand, walk, and finally
run over the surface of earth;who will believe,
for years,that everything is possible.

Born of clay,how shall a man be holy;
born of water,how shall a man visit the stars;
born of the seasons,
how shall a man live forever?

Soonthe child of the red-spotted newt,
the eft,will enter his life from the tiny egg.
On his delicate leg she will run through
the valleys of mossdown to the leaf mold by the streams,
where lately white snow lay upon the earthlike
a deep and lustrous blanketof moon-fire,

and probably
is possible.

And yes, YES, the equalness of day and Night most often at this time of year known to us as Spring Equinox has arrived; unless of course you live at the equator. Then you are still waiting.

Thank you for sharing AW

Monday, March 16, 2009

In the moment

I would add to this, that indeed I am grateful, sometimes not in the moment. Growth is a difficult process,Plant, Mountain, River, or Human. It is not easy, for us that are Humanoid, it asks of us great patience. Our Mother the Earth has shown this and has given us much around us to watch and learn from. We are slow learners I fear. We have sometimes forgotten to look with our hearts and hear with our eyes. Yet, my heart is lighter as I watch myself and Humankind in general as we struggle to learn to be kind, one step forward, sometimes two steps back. Movement is movement, once it starts it is difficult to stop the process completely.

I ask that we are kind to each other when one of us takes steps backward. Then forward again. We don't always get it "right". I do ask myself what the heck that really means. For perhaps in the moment it is right. As most of us know it is the staying in the present that is indeed the magic.

Today, I look for more of that Magic, the understanding and gratitude for each moment of my life. All of it. That I might shine from within.

Blessings to all, I meet and bless you right where we are. May our Compassion for all that is keep us moving toward, a true knowing and sense that we are ALL in these Mystery together!

Yet another fab photo by T. Griffin

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Entwined, Entrained or Entrenched - Opportunity!

Entwined…is it strangling us? Or is it a pattern that invites us to our beauty and growth? These are heading things to think about. The patterns of how we live our life. As we set out on our journey, which patterns are deeply ingrained by our existence of being Human. Ones deep inside of us – sometimes ones that we are no longer fully aware of until someone says or does something that sets the old pattern in motion.

It seems to me that most often, it comes from a place of fear. Our very survival feels at risk, though changes are it’s really not – yet it feels that way. Our feelings or instincts go…LOOK OUT! Run, fight or freeze. What is our standard choice. Which one do we must often fall into? I know for myself I am a ‘freezer’ - it is as if I have run into a wall or am held in suspension. My new habit is to sit with it and in it, and respond later. Versus my old way of reacting in the moment with emotions on Dangerously high levels. This period of time of sitting in/with either causes it to blow out of proportion or sometimes it offers up a change to take a breath and see that it is not at all as I supposed, this does not necessarily change the way I felt/feel. It is an opportunity to step away from the curtain, blowing voices and smoke. It is an Opportunity. The outcome unclear. Invite yourself/myself to Breathe. ( This way we know it’s not about survival.)

Though I step away, doesn’t mean the reaction is always perfect. There are patterns that I am fairly well entrenched and entrained to. Oh, yes, they do indeed limit me, I am not in a state of denial around this fact. They are places of our deepest wounding They are the chances for our greatest growth; sometimes our greatest alienation from our fellow Humankind. It is an Opportunity, still ripe with possibilities. Continue to Breathe.

These are the places I find most difficult for while I am in a struggle with them, there is the need to protect myself – sometimes and sadly in the old way. There are some that I call friend, who I am able and willing to say, “ I’m hurting, scared, and I can feel myself reacting in a way that is not useful to either of us”. If I am on the phone this usually gets from me – “I need to hang up now”. Which is what I do. I then take a breathe and regroup. My friends, know that this is me. I need to be able to Breathe come back to center. I will return. In person, I do the same – sometimes my stopping to regroup and take a Breath in and of itself can seem daunting and I am always, always filled with Gratitude when people can stand and be with me in the process. It takes courage on both sides of the issue to be in it. Not always perfect. It is still an Opportunity and continuing to Breathe is always a good thing.

I am also immensely saddened when others, that are not actually part of it all get caught in the middle. This hurts me beyond what I have words to express. They throw water or light hoping to change what I/we are feeling. Why is it that we find strong emotions so difficult to be with? Primal as they are, we wish to pretend that they do not belong to our ‘enlightened’ way of thinking. Yet in fact they are the very basis for that ‘enlightened’ way of becoming. Opportunity!

At this moment I would invite us to be gentle with each other. Allow and listen to our friends and those we hold dear to be in their own stew. Let them cook. Allow then to be right where they are, let there be no mistake ~ I believe that all parties involved are receiving what it is that will lead to their greatest opportunity of growth. Yes, SL even when part of the group may be feeling crushed, hurt. If all of our life is covered in a sugar coating – what reason do we have to move? To grow? To change the way we interact? Sometimes it is the air being sucked from our lungs and the room around us that teaches us to stand up and be counted. To have a clearer voice. Once again an Opportunity.

Know that all who are reading this are deeply loved. I thank you for hearing my voice and inviting me to my continued Growth and Possibilities.
photo of a Wisteria taken by T.Griffin. I am at the moment reminded that, they can grow to great beauty after being cut back or burned nearly to death. It is a metaphor of some sort I am sure.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Love learned as a Mom

I was a young mom, married and a little more than a week away from turning 20, when my daughter was born. Hollering, I am HERE!
How little I knew! How little I know now, some 30 years later about raising a child! Yet there is so much in this journey that I have shared with many women, those that came before, those that are Mothering now, and those that are yet to come to the job.
Things we weren’t told about, the how’s of our hearts breaking, when our child lay sick in our arms. Trusting that WE, a mere mom would know what to do. The Joy so overflowing, we could not contain it as we were told, “I lube you, mommy.” Not only the first time, but every time there after. What it is to watch your child sleep. The feelings, I have no words that will express fully what it is to be a Mom.
Nobody told me, did they tell you? That we would not be raising a child, that this child would be raising a Mom. Each human- child, wild, comes to this earth with rare unique gifts. Gifts to share with us, the Mom that carries them into this place living and breathing.
Here are some of the gifts I received, I learned that being on time is NOT always the most important thing. It is more important to hold and hug a little person when they come to us. Turned away from, we learn quickly they no longer want us.
I learned what it means to be right in the moment. To listen with all of my being as a child, told me a story.
I learned that it takes magic, made of laughter, tears, and friends mixed with a ton of prayers, to raise a child. I raised an “only” as she calls herself, my mother 5, “God, save the Queen!” I learned patience. Take a breathe or two or three, we both might make it through this event yet.
I learned that life and each moment is precious in and of itself. Once lost, they do not return. I am most grateful for all the memory pictures I hold in my hearts album.
The greatest gift I received, is Love, I learned that Love is a two way street. I learned that it comes unbidden, it hides in smiles, in the learning how to tie a shoe. It even comes in those teenage years when we think we might find ourselves facing murder charges if they don’t grow up soon. I found in laying on my dresser, in the form of a clay butterfly. I find it lurks in a telephone message from my child, “hey Mom, call me I need the recipe for…”. I also find it out in the larger world. My child opened my eyes, my heart to the beauty around me, to the people that made and make up our family.
I am the person, I am today, because as a women I was raised a Mom. With or without our own children I believe as women we become Moms to the world at large. It is the gift and the heritage we are given.
I beg that we do NOT turn away from this most important job. For if we do, who then will be there to hold our hands, when we with knees scraped, need to be held?

a thank you to my child. McWirzy. You are the BOMB my dear.

photo by T. Griffin, of one of my favorite friends.