Techno - Isolation

Isolated- adjective meaning occurring alone or once. Yet how it feels at least in this moment is to be separate from. Oddly, I am wondering if when people made a choice in the early 1900 to travel away from all they knew if they felt isolated, separated from the world. No phones, no computers, mail as long as a month away. Was there fear hidden in that isolation, or excitement?

Recently, I have been having trouble with my means of outside communication. I live alone, mostly work one on one. Stop in at a couple of different coffee shops around town, randomly – would they notice my not being around? My internet connection, something with the rotor or wire-less connection, my phone- ah, it is digital and has a battery that has died completely, and not one that seems readily available. So though in fact I can and have made connections with people, there is a certain loss of communication, that leaves me feeling isolated in the heart of the city.

Interestingly enough, I found fear lurking…what I said, “Self -it’s not like I can’t go up the street hang out at my local bar/restaurant”. Yet somehow the inability to write to, talk with, hang with friends via facebook left me feeling isolated. I felt the need to reach out to folks that I couldn’t touch with my hands, my heart ached, I found myself pacing my small apartment. The calls I did make – alas nobody home. It all took me back, to moving around as a small person. We traveled and moved just about every three years while I was growing up – out of my control. Losing track of friends, let’s face it at 7 or 10 you’re not so great at writing letters. How does that saying go….”Out of sight – out of mind.”

Any way the point being that I was fully living a phenomenon of connection or loss there of , that I have been worried about. There is a loss of human contact, when we lose our technological connection, can we and do we find ourselves able to walk down the street and make contact with another human being? Do we know the sounds of the birds that reside in our neighborhood? Are we aware of what our upstairs neighbor feels when we are baking Chocolate cookies and not bringing any up to share; (though in my defense on this one, I will say my local coffee shops, the Bay Lines and others do receive this gifts of baking)? Do we know the names even of our neighbors? ( I will confess here also – I do not). Do we know the names of the folks that might work at some of the shops we frequent – this I can say I do!

Can you unplug for a day or two? How does it feel?

I am at the same time immensely grateful for all the technology that is at our finger tips, the way we can reach friends, that we have lost touch with – how many of us can truly say – no body from my past is my facebook friend, sure I’ve not seen them in 15 years …

Yet, I am concerned for our lack of human contact; translation touch. Our skin being the largest living organ of our body, the part of us that takes in large amounts of information. So, here I am thinking about all this and at the same time how might I get back on with my internet life ~ when OH! I say – I can re-plug my internet connection, the wire-less will have to wait. Funny – my computer known as Mr. Baggins needed to be in physical touch today. And me now that I’ve written this ~ I too need to go out touch the Earth, see really see my friends, hear the sounds of the world around me.

I hope that you too, will gift yourself some time to be in the real world, not just the virtual one.

Have a great day.




sorry that I am unable to give credit to the person who's photo this is - I'm not sure were I got it. Somewhere on the 'web' I am sure.

A twisting of Conflicts

Love and fear twisted in a rope, years like knots sliding toward each other as in a Chotki; a prayer rope, similar to Mala beads. Love a prayer full of hope. Fear a way to hold one's self back or protected.

I find it odd that two seemingly such different emotions seem to be some of the greatest motivators. Yet, I also see how they become entwined, wrapping them selves in a coupling; one in which there is suffering.

I am wondering how it is that we might find it within ourselves to feed Love, and find Compassion for Fear. Breathing into both, honouring that both exist and have a place that is valuable. Unfortunately, I am not filled with the wisdom to know how to go about this all the time. Or perhaps it is a gift that I must practice the unwinding each day.

To sit with all that Love represents to me, to take the time to know that I am deeply loved as I am. In times of deep questioning I find myself turning toward the Ocean, with all her many faces. Learning to sail in the Casco Bay, off Maine's coast; with it’s many varying depths and rocky areas. I hold to a sailor friend teaching me to Breathe, to his constant reminder that sometimes the best we can do is duck, so as not to be thrown overboard. Yet, to fear the winds, the movement of the sail, lines and the sea itself would not serve my enjoyment of being on the water. “Calm seas do not a good sailor make ~ feel into the wind.” Knowing also that there may be a time; the best you can do is set the till to making the ship go round in never ending circles till other help arrives. My first lesson was just that – in the event that he himself went over, I’ve never been sure as to whether or not he knows how to swim.

I have learned that a lot of sailors, funny enough don’t know how to swim, yet that do not allow that to become a fear. (It is also not part of the plan to end up in the water.) Theirs is a love of the movement of nature, a gentle taming for a moment in time. I found they have a healthy respect, for what could be; not allowing it to stop them- just eyes wide open.

I like to believe that I feel/think my way into being with Love, in this very way. I am most often willing to jump right into Love, into Friendship, into trying something that I know little about. Some times I laugh that not knowing all the rules; one is able to move through the process of being in the moment much easier. Yet, this too is where my friend Fear can step in and twist itself into being. The voice of the critic “not good enough”, “who do you think you are”, or even perhaps “good god – what are you thinking”.

Not such a worry in terms of creating art, food, or being in friendship ~ Loving another person or even ourself, as a partner, friend or even a parent, well that indeed is a different story. The twisting can get so tight as to keep me from Breathing. How is it that I stop trusting, my own breath in those moments? No longer confident as they head out my door ~ will they return? How do is it that this story is one we all seem to tell in some form?
I want to learn to sit in Love, to sit with Fear ~ breathing. Finding the space between, making time to hold them both in Sacred Space, knowing that I’ve not lost my way. That as a child of this Wild Wonderful Universe love surrounds me like a cloak. It is up to me to feel it against my skin, invite it to whisper in my Soul.

I want to Re-member that Fear can be a warning, can and does keep me alert, that it too whispers on the wind. That it’s intent is to keep me safe, away from the crashing of the sea against the shore. Fear helps to keep me aware, my heart beat kicking as I sail, watching with open eyes for a shift in the wind. Duck as the sail and line come around, the boat under my feet moving in rhythm to this dance.

This is the dance I wish to have between Love and Fear. A continuing invitation to be open to Life, to go ahead move toward what it is we desire ~ just make sure that we are not sailing over the edge of the world with our eyes closed. Now eyes, open well ~ I say LEAP! Trust the universe desires our greatest becoming. Our wings to open as our roots hold true. Put them in your planner, make room for them both. The more we invite our selves to sit with them, I believe the easier it is to be with and in them. Life is after all a practice.


In Bodhisattva




Photo taken by H.F.Griffin 2003 - Unicorns in the water

The Day after...

Can I state that I love Valentine’s Day. At this moment in time, I am blessed that I live in a city that has a “bandit”, that covers the city with red paper hearts. It brings me an incredible amount of Joy. [I suppose I could confess to liking almost all holidays ~ one which we go about letting those we know and love that very fact.] I like that! Friends, and lovers unite!

Valentine’s Day for those of us who are single can be brutal. It doesn’t matter that we believe in ourselves. Think that we are worthy of a relationship, or have made a choice to be single. It can still create a difficult day~ when all around us, the talk, the adds; everything is about being a couple.

I would invite us to take note that this happens just before spring, as the animal world is preparing itself for the mating season. [Oh, did I mention that we are part of that genes.] It is also a diversion in the Northern climes from the cold weather that we experience in February; when we have the coldest temperatures. Snuggle close my dear ~ I’ll keep you warm. I understand that biologically we are programmed in a way toward coupling and pro-creation. It is the way of nature. The strongest, brightest make the cut, are more likely to have off spring that fall into the same “fittest” group.

I am also very happy and elated for folks that are happy in their coupling relationships. Their happiness at being a couple does not diminish the fact that I am at the moment single. I in truth am happiness extraordinaire for my friends, that have a life partner to share their daily amazing life. Perhaps, some day in the not to distant future, this too could be me.

Yet, meanwhile; now today that the hub-bub has stilled itself in the weekend long coupling thing. I would like to ask that next year, we are a bit kinder to our single friends, remember them in the same silly way of cards and or a treat. I know that, though I do indeed love myself, heck I even like who I am becoming each day. It did make the day sweeter to have breakfast with a friend, having the opportunity to dress up and then make deliveries to my close at hand young at heart friends. I suppose I am basically asking that we touch base with a single friend. Let them know they matter.

Let your love pour out to all…a smile and a Happy Valentine’s Day to a stranger ~might make their day!

Blessings and Love each and every day.



photo taken on Valentine's Day 2010 Can you sit with Your Love?

Growth Happens

What plan or goal? What design did I have in mind? Where was I headed?

All these questions easier answered when it comes to food, knitting, gardening and from where I am standing far quicker to repair, put back on track or set a new path in motion. Entering stage left or right we have old patterns firmly entrenched. Life full of laughter, and it hurts have created grooves, that are easy to fall into, there by playing the same song. Sometimes the skip of the same story, the same response.

How to then to notice? Just like we might if we were cooking, the smell of too hot or a touch of burn ~ the cook quickly turns down the heat slices a potatoe or two and in they go to absorb, the too spicy hot or the touch of the burn from the it’s too hot in here.

With knitting, the noticing sometimes comes some rows away from the error of pattern, those of us who knit will gently (sometimes) lay the piece down remove the needles, and pull out the work done till we find ourselves back to a place that we may renew the work in the design we were creating. At other times, we must put the piece down, take a breathe and walk away, to return later, beginning anew.

Gardens, somewhat the same, though they can be more like Life. There are things that happen out of our control. We have no way of knowing how fast something might grow, or if in fact it will come back after a long winter’s sleep.

What I do know is that all of these things require our willingness to notice. To really take care and look at how Life or our lack luster toward Life is taking us off and away from our intended design. Sometimes this pull toward another direction can be just the thing we need. Without our full awareness, we are pulled toward our own growth, we are lead to allow for some part of us to be left behind. Ah, we noticed! We are now someplace else, some other US has bloomed.

This of course is not to say we aren’t to take responsibility for our growth or the direction of our life. For me, personally it is a reminder of how deeply I am held as I believe we all are; by a force greater then ourselves. Love is part of that force and I am hopeful that it always draws me toward my and your greatest becoming.

Not always easy, yet I hope to be able to find a moment to give gratitude in both the good times and the difficult. Each has it’s own gifts. We need to take notice, to open our eyes and heart to hear and see the gifts offered. Blessing abide with thee.

Home to the Heart

I was recently at a dinner party, and being the person not from the region, I was asked where I called home. Without missing a beat I replied, “Where my heart is, for the moment it is here with friends.” The person asking the question who I later nicknamed ‘the Griller’, was in no way pleased with my response. The people next to me, one to my right and left, understood right away, on my left, a hand came up laid itself on mine. A soft – “Good answer, Thank you.” ; it came with a warm smile and eyes that danced. To my right well, we both continued to smile as, ‘the Griller’ continued on his path of interrogation till I said at the moment I reside in Maine. Which I had previously informed him, for he had said he has friends in Bar Harbour, Cape Elizabeth, and Harpswell;

Thought most of that is not what’s important it is a setting for the stage of what came up for me later on my returning drive toward ‘home’. As some of you know I moved around a lot as a small person it was the nature of the beast for my family. When I had a child to raise, I choose to stay in the same small town, though I will admit we still moved a fair amount – I wasn’t used to staying put.

On my trip to see my friend who sat to my right, I had found myself caught in a vortex of being lost and taking the wrong; yet not so badly placed turns on a very dark, very rainy road, called the Saw Mill Parkway – this was supposed to be a short-cut. Ah, only when one knows the way. I did not use this way home.

Yet, all of this got me to wondering, if we all find the path to our Heart, a winding road, a difficult meandering. To find ourselves, does it always take longer? And how is it that we come so far away from the core of who we are that this road back to us, must even be traveled? What is it in our humanness that we set out to seek? How is it that we lose parts of us, along our life path, that then we drive hundreds of miles away from ourselves looking to find who we are? That we make relationships with people, who may or may not look or seem like us on the outside, yet inwardly we know that some of these friends will be with us till the end.

That there is no need to be other then us? [Come now – we have all found ourselves acting a part to fit in, at some point –remember being a teen.] That we are perfectly – imperfection!

So, I find that I am still holding space, a Sacred Space within that is my HeartHome. I find it most often with others that are close enough to know all the prismatic parts of me and alone. Those moments of Being, connected in ways that have no words, a rightness. I give Thanks that I am have been able to live a life full of traveling toward this adventure of knowing me. Of having the luxury to make time to seek and find the HeartHome of me. To fully take in the gift that is me. And yes, there are days I am still driving to find that person. I am so very Grateful for friends, who are real, with patches worn thin, filled with a curiousness to know more of life and themselves and me. I hope I gift that back in a way that they know what I mean.

I invite each one of us to take this journey, I will again note that it seems to be a road with many funny turns. Some full of laughter so deep tears run down your checks, roads that seem to be full of the ‘mundane’; the everyday-ness of being that we wonder could this be all there is? Then there are the roads marked with Grace. Others so painful we cry rivers of tears till we find ourselves laughing with a stitch in our side. And yes, some roads simply are. We find ourselves traveling in certain sets of circles, is this our HeartHome? I wonder, I turn this question over to you. Travel safe and wild on the road to you. I will keep the fire warm, the candle lit waiting for your return. I hold you, friends in my HeartHome, wrapped in warmth and laughter.






photo taken in Bethleham, PA Nov '09 by me just down from 'Cupcake G's'

but for Grace...go I

I would share with you that there is a great sadness in my heart. People are homeless, jobless, family-less. I can not change these things. What I can offer is an ear, a smile as I walk by. You may think that it doesn’t matter or what good is that…

What it does is it preserves another’s Dignity. Our turning away as if we don’t see them, says they are less then nothing~ unseen, unheard. They are also part of a Divine Grace. Though I am not sure how or why this is part of a greater plan. I know that it is.

I am learning that it cost me more to turn away. That the tears that run down my face, as I walk away, after I have stood for a few minutes allowing a homeless person a chance to tell me a little about themselves; because I noticed them. Was nothing compared to what it cost them to see that I noticed them, then gather themselves enough to call after and follow me as though they might know me.

At what cost did I look him in the eye? Did it hurt me to stand at a corner for a moment to hear his story as I walked to meet a friend for coffee? He asked for nothing more then to be heard, something I take for granted. I have a voice. Who will have voice for the voice-less, the silent?

I sit with a heart heavy, I told him I would listen, would buy him coffee in the morning, he would need to meet me. For I will not give out money . I picked someplace I knew would be safe for me, what about safe for him? He would need to trust that I would in fact be there. How much would that cost him? I am feeling more then what he was willing to chance. He wasn’t there; nor did he arrive in the time I was there.

I can’t answer for him. I am only able to recall a saying… “There but for the Grace of God go I.” Dear Creator, as winter draws near I ask you watch over those that for what ever reason, Veteran , mental illness, loss of job, family find themselves homeless and on the street. I ask that you guide my eyes, my heart to look in their eyes. Remind me of how much I have, not that which I do not.

“There but for the Grace of God go I.”

An Itch of Power, to the Heart

I have always been offended by the fact that it is assumed that when women are in Power they are bitchy, whinny, manipulative and repetitive in their requests. And I hate that it seems to me that in our society that a lot of demeaning put downs are words about Women ~ which makes them about ME, which is WE in reflection of the mirror of Women. So I am taking the B out and it really is about an Itchyness.

So first of I would like to note that in Power and from a place of Power are two very different stances. The second is the one that has me Whirling around the juicer of Life. Because the two stances are often mixed together, the out come turns toward women, myself included oft times shrinking away from taking charge; though our inner compass tells us we are the person best suited toward the task.

I find and would invite us to notice that when that place of the Itchyness shows up, it is our inner compass telling us to put our Heart and Soul back on the tiller, the rudder set for a course that allows us to be held in the face of the storm, our team at the lines, helping guide us. I believe that all humans get that itchyness when they let go of their core or the Source of their inner knowing.

It is also my belief that as a culture, as the race of Humans we must put the Heart back into how we do things as a community, government, even business. It is from this place of caring for each other that will in fact Co-create what it is we are Envisioning. It is from a place of heart that a clearer vision can come forth. That we are invited to as Michael Meade calls it the ‘World behind the World’.
[http://mosaicstore.org/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=6 ]

I would ask that we all look at how much courage it takes to be in a connection to our Source, to notice when we are in that place of Itchyness, and how it doesn’t serve us.
I would also ask that we look at these questions – inviting ourselves to a new way of Being. No one is free while any one of us is enslaved.
What might it look like when I choose to see my power as a friend/Allie?
How have I diminished that friendship over the years?
Might I notice the beauty of my power?
When have I been IN power yet not En-powered? How did that feel.
What is at the Heart of my Source?


I would like to note that most of this showed up on Facebook on a Discussion board at SheChanges. A little differently as my voice there was purely from a place of being a Women. And though I do not see our Enpowerment as a gender issue; I do find that in my experience People IN Power, do not necessarily come from a place of Being in their Power. Giving them the change to Abuse their power, children, women, and those that are different from those IN Power often suffer because of this.

May we all some day walk in a world that invites us to be connected to each other with love, hope and the Grace that we were born with.

Blessings.