Both events cause turmoil, they can come as a part of a couple, a relationship with a friend, even at work. For myself and for friends that I’ve spoken with there is a shock-like state, unbelieving. A feeling of freezing in one’s movement, as if glued to the spot. Sometimes for only the briefest of moments, other times months upon months. No matter at which end of this event you are standing. I.E the receiver or the giver, for like it or not there is a gift that is given when one of these events happens.
Which brings to my mind a very curious state, when does the pressure or the fraying of the weave and wrap of our lives happen. More exactly how is it that it begins and we don’t notice it. That slowly, ever so slowly the threads and lines that are part and parcel of our everyday start to ravel. I am feeling that there must be clues, a call that goes unheard, unnoticed. I am wondering why and how.
To make it easier to follow my thoughts I will use the unraveling/fraying as I write, for I see it from both the storm and the unraveling; in my own life I have been with it in both ways. Neither less then the other in the impact it left behind. But we are peoples who forget that sometimes for there to be change Nature creates a Hurricane. We like to pretend that there is not that force within us. I will invite you to think again, but that is yet another bailiwick; better left for another time.
If it is a relationship of two it has me wondering – how do we expect the other to notice that something has gone amiss, when we our self have not really noticed the small unraveling or the fraying of the lines. Sometimes I feel it might be a word or a look that has changed, we make a choice to leave it unnoticed. To continue as though nothing at all has happened, it seems easier that way. Might it not be easier to make note, and create an invitation to dialogue? Not necessarily in the exact moment ~ I’m not feeling like it’s that easy! The simple “ I am wondering if you want to talk – I noticed, how I felt when….”. Of course bringing it back to us is sometimes difficult, we are feeling shocked, hurt, un-heard? To open a dialogue it is always best to bring it back to us.
The weave of story that makes us, gently frays. Perhaps, I feel-think that it begins with a small misunderstanding, or where our story lies over the weave of someone else’s that the unraveling happens. Mostly I feel that we don’t notice till there is a small hole, fixable with the help of two. Sometimes it seems that by the time we notice that there is a ‘wrongness’ in the fabric the hole is full of hurts, unspoken or fought about. Almost to late to have any conversation. Yet, I want to believe it is never too late, parties willing. I want to invite and encourage us all – attempt to have the conversation. Give some space, for ourselves as well as the other. Clear our thoughts, take the breath that helps ground us and exhale what is not needed in the moment, allow, follow this process till we find a stillness. Then create a time to dialogue.
I suppose what I am struck by for myself is that I have recently become frayed, and it was a friend’s question that made me notice how frayed and unraveled I had become. A slow unravel, one that had seemed to have gone unnoticed to my own psyche, or not? I suppose that here in lies the whole thing is how do we/I let the connection to another fray, and not notice or choose to look away as though it INS’t happening. I see where we need to be vigilant of what we allow to come in to our weaving as well as what we might send out to add to those in our circle. I also see how fragile we are as humans, yet also how strong and resilient we can be. Seems to me it is all in the attention we hold for what is important.
I invite us to notice more, the feel of the wind, it’s whisperings in our heart. That we may indeed make the time for the important conversations of our Life. Living into 100% of us and our creative natures.
Photo of clouds by T. Griffin – image name storm brewing
Thank you for being a part of the weaving of my life.