Lilac Drunk

A gift, two sweet bunches
I placed them in our bedroom.
Laying in bed, I felt intoxicated
The room inside so full of a warm spring day.

White lilacs in a crystal glass – light up the darkness
I had just talked with you,
When I felt my body shiver and stiffen sweetly
As you climbed into bed.

I found that sleep would not come,
I lay there watching you sleep,
The tears falling for all that we have
All that is not there.

And you, could you smell them
Clear across town?
Did you sleep, or were you
Watching me sleep, in your dreams?

The tears fall like rain,
I wonder what might be growing
All these years we have between us.
Perhaps my love it was a moment
Shared by the White lilacs sitting by our bed.

Intoxicating, intoxicated, I lay drunk
On the scent of Love,
Lived, held so fragile in a Breathe of lilacs.




I am grateful to Micaela for the gift of the lilacs.

A twisting of Conflicts

Love and fear twisted in a rope, years like knots sliding toward each other as in a Chotki; a prayer rope, similar to Mala beads. Love a prayer full of hope. Fear a way to hold one's self back or protected.

I find it odd that two seemingly such different emotions seem to be some of the greatest motivators. Yet, I also see how they become entwined, wrapping them selves in a coupling; one in which there is suffering.

I am wondering how it is that we might find it within ourselves to feed Love, and find Compassion for Fear. Breathing into both, honouring that both exist and have a place that is valuable. Unfortunately, I am not filled with the wisdom to know how to go about this all the time. Or perhaps it is a gift that I must practice the unwinding each day.

To sit with all that Love represents to me, to take the time to know that I am deeply loved as I am. In times of deep questioning I find myself turning toward the Ocean, with all her many faces. Learning to sail in the Casco Bay, off Maine's coast; with it’s many varying depths and rocky areas. I hold to a sailor friend teaching me to Breathe, to his constant reminder that sometimes the best we can do is duck, so as not to be thrown overboard. Yet, to fear the winds, the movement of the sail, lines and the sea itself would not serve my enjoyment of being on the water. “Calm seas do not a good sailor make ~ feel into the wind.” Knowing also that there may be a time; the best you can do is set the till to making the ship go round in never ending circles till other help arrives. My first lesson was just that – in the event that he himself went over, I’ve never been sure as to whether or not he knows how to swim.

I have learned that a lot of sailors, funny enough don’t know how to swim, yet that do not allow that to become a fear. (It is also not part of the plan to end up in the water.) Theirs is a love of the movement of nature, a gentle taming for a moment in time. I found they have a healthy respect, for what could be; not allowing it to stop them- just eyes wide open.

I like to believe that I feel/think my way into being with Love, in this very way. I am most often willing to jump right into Love, into Friendship, into trying something that I know little about. Some times I laugh that not knowing all the rules; one is able to move through the process of being in the moment much easier. Yet, this too is where my friend Fear can step in and twist itself into being. The voice of the critic “not good enough”, “who do you think you are”, or even perhaps “good god – what are you thinking”.

Not such a worry in terms of creating art, food, or being in friendship ~ Loving another person or even ourself, as a partner, friend or even a parent, well that indeed is a different story. The twisting can get so tight as to keep me from Breathing. How is it that I stop trusting, my own breath in those moments? No longer confident as they head out my door ~ will they return? How do is it that this story is one we all seem to tell in some form?
I want to learn to sit in Love, to sit with Fear ~ breathing. Finding the space between, making time to hold them both in Sacred Space, knowing that I’ve not lost my way. That as a child of this Wild Wonderful Universe love surrounds me like a cloak. It is up to me to feel it against my skin, invite it to whisper in my Soul.

I want to Re-member that Fear can be a warning, can and does keep me alert, that it too whispers on the wind. That it’s intent is to keep me safe, away from the crashing of the sea against the shore. Fear helps to keep me aware, my heart beat kicking as I sail, watching with open eyes for a shift in the wind. Duck as the sail and line come around, the boat under my feet moving in rhythm to this dance.

This is the dance I wish to have between Love and Fear. A continuing invitation to be open to Life, to go ahead move toward what it is we desire ~ just make sure that we are not sailing over the edge of the world with our eyes closed. Now eyes, open well ~ I say LEAP! Trust the universe desires our greatest becoming. Our wings to open as our roots hold true. Put them in your planner, make room for them both. The more we invite our selves to sit with them, I believe the easier it is to be with and in them. Life is after all a practice.


In Bodhisattva




Photo taken by H.F.Griffin 2003 - Unicorns in the water

Growth Happens

What plan or goal? What design did I have in mind? Where was I headed?

All these questions easier answered when it comes to food, knitting, gardening and from where I am standing far quicker to repair, put back on track or set a new path in motion. Entering stage left or right we have old patterns firmly entrenched. Life full of laughter, and it hurts have created grooves, that are easy to fall into, there by playing the same song. Sometimes the skip of the same story, the same response.

How to then to notice? Just like we might if we were cooking, the smell of too hot or a touch of burn ~ the cook quickly turns down the heat slices a potatoe or two and in they go to absorb, the too spicy hot or the touch of the burn from the it’s too hot in here.

With knitting, the noticing sometimes comes some rows away from the error of pattern, those of us who knit will gently (sometimes) lay the piece down remove the needles, and pull out the work done till we find ourselves back to a place that we may renew the work in the design we were creating. At other times, we must put the piece down, take a breathe and walk away, to return later, beginning anew.

Gardens, somewhat the same, though they can be more like Life. There are things that happen out of our control. We have no way of knowing how fast something might grow, or if in fact it will come back after a long winter’s sleep.

What I do know is that all of these things require our willingness to notice. To really take care and look at how Life or our lack luster toward Life is taking us off and away from our intended design. Sometimes this pull toward another direction can be just the thing we need. Without our full awareness, we are pulled toward our own growth, we are lead to allow for some part of us to be left behind. Ah, we noticed! We are now someplace else, some other US has bloomed.

This of course is not to say we aren’t to take responsibility for our growth or the direction of our life. For me, personally it is a reminder of how deeply I am held as I believe we all are; by a force greater then ourselves. Love is part of that force and I am hopeful that it always draws me toward my and your greatest becoming.

Not always easy, yet I hope to be able to find a moment to give gratitude in both the good times and the difficult. Each has it’s own gifts. We need to take notice, to open our eyes and heart to hear and see the gifts offered. Blessing abide with thee.

too long away

So many thoughts and things I thought to write. Too long away, I've been from myself to sit and write. Some days are like that, the days stringing together lost pearls, knots forgotten as they slide along the string of my life.

I ask that we are kind and compassionate with ourselves as those days, turn to weeks and sometimes even turn to months. What then who holds us when we can not hold ourselves? What force of nature invites us to put one foot in front of the other, when we seem not to know our way?

Opening my arms, I am held by the air, my toes barefoot sink into the deep softness of Mother Earth. Indeed I can feel the love that lingers in the wind. My friends voices as they whisper there love in prayer. I am blessed.

Some days are like that one foot, one breath, there is love, there is life and I am grateful that it holds me in it's arms.






photo taken 4th July by CO'C- thanks for sharing ML
a reminder that all is as it is meant to be - trust.

Love learned as a Mom

I was a young mom, married and a little more than a week away from turning 20, when my daughter was born. Hollering, I am HERE!
How little I knew! How little I know now, some 30 years later about raising a child! Yet there is so much in this journey that I have shared with many women, those that came before, those that are Mothering now, and those that are yet to come to the job.
Things we weren’t told about, the how’s of our hearts breaking, when our child lay sick in our arms. Trusting that WE, a mere mom would know what to do. The Joy so overflowing, we could not contain it as we were told, “I lube you, mommy.” Not only the first time, but every time there after. What it is to watch your child sleep. The feelings, I have no words that will express fully what it is to be a Mom.
Nobody told me, did they tell you? That we would not be raising a child, that this child would be raising a Mom. Each human- child, wild, comes to this earth with rare unique gifts. Gifts to share with us, the Mom that carries them into this place living and breathing.
Here are some of the gifts I received, I learned that being on time is NOT always the most important thing. It is more important to hold and hug a little person when they come to us. Turned away from, we learn quickly they no longer want us.
I learned what it means to be right in the moment. To listen with all of my being as a child, told me a story.
I learned that it takes magic, made of laughter, tears, and friends mixed with a ton of prayers, to raise a child. I raised an “only” as she calls herself, my mother 5, “God, save the Queen!” I learned patience. Take a breathe or two or three, we both might make it through this event yet.
I learned that life and each moment is precious in and of itself. Once lost, they do not return. I am most grateful for all the memory pictures I hold in my hearts album.
The greatest gift I received, is Love, I learned that Love is a two way street. I learned that it comes unbidden, it hides in smiles, in the learning how to tie a shoe. It even comes in those teenage years when we think we might find ourselves facing murder charges if they don’t grow up soon. I found in laying on my dresser, in the form of a clay butterfly. I find it lurks in a telephone message from my child, “hey Mom, call me I need the recipe for…”. I also find it out in the larger world. My child opened my eyes, my heart to the beauty around me, to the people that made and make up our family.
I am the person, I am today, because as a women I was raised a Mom. With or without our own children I believe as women we become Moms to the world at large. It is the gift and the heritage we are given.
I beg that we do NOT turn away from this most important job. For if we do, who then will be there to hold our hands, when we with knees scraped, need to be held?

a thank you to my child. McWirzy. You are the BOMB my dear.

photo by T. Griffin, of one of my favorite friends.

Love made new each day....

"Love doesn't just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new." - Ursula K. LeGuin

and it takes time. and loving work. It may be magical in how it happens, yet it's true to keep it from getting hard edges and crusting. We need to invite our selves in each moment to make it fresh, to leave behind the old edges when they no longer hold for us the tasty fresh smell of what it is that pulled us toward the love in the first place.

When we take the time; it also allows us to make space and freedom for all of the particles involved. Like bread, love does need warmth and space to grow. To fill the house, our hearts, our world with the Remembering of it in every cell that vibrates around us.

I smell it in the wind today...

Thank you Karen W. for sharing the quote

photo taken by ME - thank you ML for the camera and help downloading it.

Love continues.....

According to American psychologist Harry Stack Sullivan here is a definition of love

”When the safety and well-being of you is of equal importance as the safety and well-being of me,then a state of love exists.”

I rather like the way this is said yet it seems so much more, so much more intangible. A place that has no words, no way of being described.

To survive in the very first days of our lives we need to know love and touch. It is a time and place when we have no words to describe what it is we feel. There have been horrible studies done to prove this point, during the Renaissance and beyond. We are hungry to understand this thing ~ this Life force of LOVE. We thirst for a glimmer to quench this deep dry place; yet the river surrounds us.

We are busy taking in information from the moment we start the very first bit of BE-Coming. The zygote knows this fight of life; the moment and act of “love-making” that calls to our soul in the ethers, “Come, come be a part of us.” Sometimes it is answered, sometimes not. Sometimes we are ready ~ they are not and sometimes a Soul is ready and the “love-makers” are not. And in truth sometimes it has nothing what so ever to do with Love. Yet; I believe our BEING-ness has everything to do with LOVE and a whole lot of stardust and magic. The Miracle of Be-coming no matter how often it appears before me can never dim in it’s magical, mysteriousness! I am always always in AWE at new life, new bloom, new growth! The courage it takes to BE-COME! This life long process of BEING.

This for me is Love added to the eloquent words of our friend H.S. Sullivan, along with countless poets, painters, Artist of every genre known to the Elements, Plants, Furred, Finned, Winged, Creepy Crawlers, the Circling Winds, the gods and goddess, oh, and least I forget us Human.

Our Being true to ourselves is LOVE. And that takes courage and willingness to sit with what works and doesn’t, what serves us and what doesn’t and how in the end does serving our self serve the Greater Good of All?

Let us all continue to Grow, Live, bring and gift Joy, Laughter and Love to ourselves and those around us that perhaps someday in the not so distant future we will know PEACE, and all suffering will be an illusion.

Watch a time piece?

As I put yours on this morning
I wondered and nearly laughed till
I wept, we have so little of it between us
Yet, it is you who resets the time on my watch
You who gifted a clock that sings to me the time


So, like a thief I take what you gift
Hoping someday, I will wake
You'll be right beside me, having been there all along.
Laying with a body wrapped round me
Letting me hold your dreams safe

In time...you did not plan to Love me.
and I - from the moment I heard your voice
One touch of your skin, I knew the smell of us
Before, you ever drank from the cup.
I sank into me


though this is an older piece I have LOVE on the body.
How is it that it shows up in ways we don't think of? Un~called?
oh, my Love you know who you are.
Ours to hold close. It feels like there is indeed never enough time..........................


written November 2007

Feel the LOVE

So, when we think about the fact that today is considered a day for lovers. It brings to mind this thought ~ What is LOVE? I bet your brain went ~ What? We all feel and think we know what Love is, yet I wonder if each of us could really tell each other what LOVE is.

Could you do it without a metaphor and is it the same in each instant that we might use the word? It’s a four letter word with a whole lot of pack and baggage depending on how and where we were raised. According to the always ready to give advise on words Merriam-Webster it can be a noun or a verb. Coming form the Old High German luba love, Old English leof dear, and Latin libere to please 'then it meaning':
1 a) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties [now that seems a bit unclear] b) attraction based on sexual desire [don’t know about you but I would call that lust] c) affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interests
2 warm attachment, enthusiasm or devotion
3 a) the object of attachment, devotion or admiration b) a beloved person [what?] or if you happen to be British you might use it as an informal term of address
4 unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another
5 a god or personification of love
6 an amorous episode as in: Love affair
7 the sexual embrace as in: copulation or to make love ~note verb
8 a score of zero as in: tennis


So all that said and now put aside; what is LOVE? An emotion? A chemical body response? What is it truly?

I would have to say that it is a Mysterious Miracle. For something that is so difficult to really name and give voice too, we spend as a culture, as a species putting a lot of Faith toward something that we really have no way of even comprehending ~ though of course we are all positive that we do! That my friends is what makes it so darn Mysterious. We create great works of Art, written, painted, sculptured, drawn, performance and any other way you might think of in the name of LOVE.

We even commit great atrocities in the name of Love. Love of religion, culture, country and family honour. There is a great sadness that comes with this thought, yet never the less it does not change the fact that it is so.

What compels us toward this mystery? Why is it we feel left out; not good enough if we think we are not Loved? Here I would like to state that we are always always LOVED as children of the Great Creator Mother/ Father, the Goddess, Yahweh, Spirit, Higher Being, the Cosmos and Universe, depending on your belief system. Our very existence states we are LOVE , LOVED and BELOVED. (but that’s a whole other story)

Why do we have this need to Love and Be-Loved? I believe it is indeed a need versus a want. It feels in my Soulbody like the very essence of Life force! Without it the lights in our eyes don’t shine. The laughter we hear has no resonance. The kick in our dance step is lost. Yet one smile, kind word or touch and it can all come rushing back into our lives. That is indeed some powerful Medicine, Mystery and a down right Miracle!

Yes, it is a Miracle that with all the different ways, ideas, views of LOVE that we as a species ever pull it off. That indeed there are amazing stories of great Loves. That we see it no matter what else is going on in the world around us, two people with that extra little sparkle that lights up the whole space. Watching parents and their child(ren) doing something together where the rest of the world seems excluded. Oh, how we Love (verb) to be a voyeurs at those moments in time. It makes our hearts skip a beat ~ well, it does mine!

I want to invite each of us to become voyeurs to our own moments of being LOVE. The moments we randomly choose to do something kind and special for another or “god forbid” something for ourselves. We are the LOVE we wish to see in the world. We must first Love ourselves to know how it feels and what it means before we can share this Mysterious Miracle with another. For if we don’t Love ourselves no amount of someone telling us they Love us will ever feel REAL.

Though I’ve not really answered the question What is LOVE? Other then to tell you it’s a Mysterious Miracle. Because I truly think it is an unanswerable question, as many Right answers as there are creatures to love. Perhaps, I can now say ~ without a doubt

I LOVE YOU!

Happy St. Valentine’s Day 2009~

photo Two of the LOVES of my life, taken by T. Griffin , love the Momma

Obstacles...Love....

Remain in control of your speed and direction. Make sure you can stop and avoid obstacles at all times.-
Mount-Tremblant ski rules of conduct

Love, Sorrow bumps on the road of life - are these obstacles? Remain in control - what doors does that slam shut! I am thinking no matter how careful I am watching my speed, what will I be able to do about the sometimes breakneck speed at which my heart goes careening into another's? Or that my tears come sliding down the slope of my face when I hear that someone I care for has passed. Joy, bursting for no particular reason out of me into the world at large. Besides do I want to live a life were I am always at odds - watching out for what possibilities I'm letting pass me by for they are headed in a different direction then I am.

I wish to continue to LOVE and Laugh at the speed of light. I want to head in the direction of compassion and kindness vs. watching out for mean-spirit-ness or even down right rudeness.
Those are indeed obstacles I would be happy to avoid at all times. Yet, sometimes we need those moments to remind us of what it is like when those traits are part of our circle. Those moments also allow and invite us to stand tall in our integrity. So; perhaps I do not wish to avoid them all together......

I like to create random acts of kindness as obstacles in the middle of the day for some unsuspecting individual. Like paying the toll for the car behind me - how about that free coffee to the next person in line? My all time favorite - a extra nickle or quarter in the meter, to ward off that meter maid- did I know them- will they know? Who cares! We don't need to know them to drop an obstacle of kindness to their bad day, or hatred. It gives us all an opportunity to rush head long in a different direction from which we might have been headed. I like that idea.

While I do make sure that I can STOP when I might be ready to say some unkind thing, I Stop and take that deep long inhalation of breath, which causes me to start over, grounding into a new direction. A little movement - maybe even a nervous laugh - better then saying something I might have regretted.

I must say there is great Gratitude as I get younger at Heart. I find that I can step back in a way that I couldn't earlier in my "Teen-20's of Wisdom". For me there is a Grace in the way I have grown into myself.

So, I say by all means, speed toward love, move in the direction of obstacles that are not sharp edged and pointy. Invite yourself to lose control - (trust me it's not all that it's cracked out to be); once in a while, without putting yourself in physical danger. Learn to stop for Beauty in all things; less it pass you by. It is up to us to be aware of the richness in all directions of Life.