Growth Happens

What plan or goal? What design did I have in mind? Where was I headed?

All these questions easier answered when it comes to food, knitting, gardening and from where I am standing far quicker to repair, put back on track or set a new path in motion. Entering stage left or right we have old patterns firmly entrenched. Life full of laughter, and it hurts have created grooves, that are easy to fall into, there by playing the same song. Sometimes the skip of the same story, the same response.

How to then to notice? Just like we might if we were cooking, the smell of too hot or a touch of burn ~ the cook quickly turns down the heat slices a potatoe or two and in they go to absorb, the too spicy hot or the touch of the burn from the it’s too hot in here.

With knitting, the noticing sometimes comes some rows away from the error of pattern, those of us who knit will gently (sometimes) lay the piece down remove the needles, and pull out the work done till we find ourselves back to a place that we may renew the work in the design we were creating. At other times, we must put the piece down, take a breathe and walk away, to return later, beginning anew.

Gardens, somewhat the same, though they can be more like Life. There are things that happen out of our control. We have no way of knowing how fast something might grow, or if in fact it will come back after a long winter’s sleep.

What I do know is that all of these things require our willingness to notice. To really take care and look at how Life or our lack luster toward Life is taking us off and away from our intended design. Sometimes this pull toward another direction can be just the thing we need. Without our full awareness, we are pulled toward our own growth, we are lead to allow for some part of us to be left behind. Ah, we noticed! We are now someplace else, some other US has bloomed.

This of course is not to say we aren’t to take responsibility for our growth or the direction of our life. For me, personally it is a reminder of how deeply I am held as I believe we all are; by a force greater then ourselves. Love is part of that force and I am hopeful that it always draws me toward my and your greatest becoming.

Not always easy, yet I hope to be able to find a moment to give gratitude in both the good times and the difficult. Each has it’s own gifts. We need to take notice, to open our eyes and heart to hear and see the gifts offered. Blessing abide with thee.

Emotion- Grief

Grief is an emotion or a sense that we don’t often take into account. It comes in to play at the loss of a loved one, or the end of a relationship. There are other times as well, some that it seems odd that it would be there. Moving for one. Yet do we recognize it’s effect or sometimes how long it is that we are living in a low grade version? Our society wants us always to Move On, Let it GO. We want to hide away from the uncomfortable.

Today ~ August 8th, is one of those days for me. It is an anniversary of the loss of my Mom; and oddly enough at this moment I can’t say how long Trudy has been gone. For me – today and when ever I need to say, “Oh, my Mom has passed on.” I find myself feeling like an orphan. I find myself raw!

I find that other events of grief seem to all come together in a bundle when I’m in the moment and clutches of Grief. I am also grateful for those moments, the tides of my truly blessed Life. There is a certain amount of luxury that comes with being able to feel and be in an emotion. To sit with and be consumed by the feelings. To be in the belly, the pit of fire, the tears that wash us clean.

I am also grateful for my Friends, that do not judge this about me, they allow the space I need. They give a gentle call here and there –“touching base”, to bring me into the rest of my world. I am an isolator when I am deeply in emotion. I feel the need to hide away, for it seems that most of society does not want us to FEEL; we are labeled too intense, too much. I laugh easy and cry just as easy. I am grateful and blessed by friends that can live with both of these full body responses to Life. I am always struck by how difficult it is for some folks to be around any kind of display of emotion. Our labels of these places of emotion, place a judgment of good or bad upon an event, a moment in a life. Why not invite the BEING in the whatever it is?

Today, I would invite each of us to remember to tell those close to us that they are loved. For one moment they are here and then everything changes. I would invite us to live our lives as fully and as present as we can. To not hide away from joy, sorrow, grief, laughter, fear. I believe it is easier to be with these places that are uncomfortable when we allow ourselves the time needed, instead of ‘moving on’. There is time enough for moving on and past. That comes from living into the moment, allowing, inviting all the bits that belong to the moment and perhaps some that don’t to be pulled out and looked over, touched and given space. Planting seeds of joy, compassion and kindness upon the hurts, the sadness. Let the rains fall, inviting growth.

Blessings.

Entwined, Entrained or Entrenched - Opportunity!

Entwined…is it strangling us? Or is it a pattern that invites us to our beauty and growth? These are heading things to think about. The patterns of how we live our life. As we set out on our journey, which patterns are deeply ingrained by our existence of being Human. Ones deep inside of us – sometimes ones that we are no longer fully aware of until someone says or does something that sets the old pattern in motion.

It seems to me that most often, it comes from a place of fear. Our very survival feels at risk, though changes are it’s really not – yet it feels that way. Our feelings or instincts go…LOOK OUT! Run, fight or freeze. What is our standard choice. Which one do we must often fall into? I know for myself I am a ‘freezer’ - it is as if I have run into a wall or am held in suspension. My new habit is to sit with it and in it, and respond later. Versus my old way of reacting in the moment with emotions on Dangerously high levels. This period of time of sitting in/with either causes it to blow out of proportion or sometimes it offers up a change to take a breath and see that it is not at all as I supposed, this does not necessarily change the way I felt/feel. It is an opportunity to step away from the curtain, blowing voices and smoke. It is an Opportunity. The outcome unclear. Invite yourself/myself to Breathe. ( This way we know it’s not about survival.)

Though I step away, doesn’t mean the reaction is always perfect. There are patterns that I am fairly well entrenched and entrained to. Oh, yes, they do indeed limit me, I am not in a state of denial around this fact. They are places of our deepest wounding They are the chances for our greatest growth; sometimes our greatest alienation from our fellow Humankind. It is an Opportunity, still ripe with possibilities. Continue to Breathe.

These are the places I find most difficult for while I am in a struggle with them, there is the need to protect myself – sometimes and sadly in the old way. There are some that I call friend, who I am able and willing to say, “ I’m hurting, scared, and I can feel myself reacting in a way that is not useful to either of us”. If I am on the phone this usually gets from me – “I need to hang up now”. Which is what I do. I then take a breathe and regroup. My friends, know that this is me. I need to be able to Breathe come back to center. I will return. In person, I do the same – sometimes my stopping to regroup and take a Breath in and of itself can seem daunting and I am always, always filled with Gratitude when people can stand and be with me in the process. It takes courage on both sides of the issue to be in it. Not always perfect. It is still an Opportunity and continuing to Breathe is always a good thing.

I am also immensely saddened when others, that are not actually part of it all get caught in the middle. This hurts me beyond what I have words to express. They throw water or light hoping to change what I/we are feeling. Why is it that we find strong emotions so difficult to be with? Primal as they are, we wish to pretend that they do not belong to our ‘enlightened’ way of thinking. Yet in fact they are the very basis for that ‘enlightened’ way of becoming. Opportunity!

At this moment I would invite us to be gentle with each other. Allow and listen to our friends and those we hold dear to be in their own stew. Let them cook. Allow then to be right where they are, let there be no mistake ~ I believe that all parties involved are receiving what it is that will lead to their greatest opportunity of growth. Yes, SL even when part of the group may be feeling crushed, hurt. If all of our life is covered in a sugar coating – what reason do we have to move? To grow? To change the way we interact? Sometimes it is the air being sucked from our lungs and the room around us that teaches us to stand up and be counted. To have a clearer voice. Once again an Opportunity.

Know that all who are reading this are deeply loved. I thank you for hearing my voice and inviting me to my continued Growth and Possibilities.

photo of a Wisteria taken by T.Griffin. I am at the moment reminded that, they can grow to great beauty after being cut back or burned nearly to death. It is a metaphor of some sort I am sure.

Love continues.....

According to American psychologist Harry Stack Sullivan here is a definition of love

”When the safety and well-being of you is of equal importance as the safety and well-being of me,then a state of love exists.”

I rather like the way this is said yet it seems so much more, so much more intangible. A place that has no words, no way of being described.

To survive in the very first days of our lives we need to know love and touch. It is a time and place when we have no words to describe what it is we feel. There have been horrible studies done to prove this point, during the Renaissance and beyond. We are hungry to understand this thing ~ this Life force of LOVE. We thirst for a glimmer to quench this deep dry place; yet the river surrounds us.

We are busy taking in information from the moment we start the very first bit of BE-Coming. The zygote knows this fight of life; the moment and act of “love-making” that calls to our soul in the ethers, “Come, come be a part of us.” Sometimes it is answered, sometimes not. Sometimes we are ready ~ they are not and sometimes a Soul is ready and the “love-makers” are not. And in truth sometimes it has nothing what so ever to do with Love. Yet; I believe our BEING-ness has everything to do with LOVE and a whole lot of stardust and magic. The Miracle of Be-coming no matter how often it appears before me can never dim in it’s magical, mysteriousness! I am always always in AWE at new life, new bloom, new growth! The courage it takes to BE-COME! This life long process of BEING.

This for me is Love added to the eloquent words of our friend H.S. Sullivan, along with countless poets, painters, Artist of every genre known to the Elements, Plants, Furred, Finned, Winged, Creepy Crawlers, the Circling Winds, the gods and goddess, oh, and least I forget us Human.

Our Being true to ourselves is LOVE. And that takes courage and willingness to sit with what works and doesn’t, what serves us and what doesn’t and how in the end does serving our self serve the Greater Good of All?

Let us all continue to Grow, Live, bring and gift Joy, Laughter and Love to ourselves and those around us that perhaps someday in the not so distant future we will know PEACE, and all suffering will be an illusion.